There are many times in my life when I get overwhelmed by all the reasons I’m not good enough for what I’m doing, that I’m messing everything up, or even that someone else would be better.
One day while I was sitting in the YWAM Furnace Prayer Room my brain was going crazy with all the reasons that I’m a really bad missionary, so I started writing them all down in an attempt to convince God why He made a mistake by calling me to this life.
The list just kept going on and on, but I found that as I was writing, that the Lord began to bring up different perspectives that I hadn’t even considered and showed me that He created me really intentionally, and He even made it rhyme!
I’ll Be Honest
- As a missionary I’m really the worst
- I always want the newest tech, the hottest car,
- And I want the latest fashions first
- I struggle to trust that God will provide
- Even though He’s done it literally every day of my life
- I’m selfish about what I want
- Stubborn about what I think
- And controlling to want things my way
- It makes no logical sense that this is the life God has called me to
- I question it just about every day
- But what if my life isn’t based on my qualifications
- What if He hasn’t called me for what I can do or say
- What if He wants me here
- Because I’m His daughter and He simply loves me?
- I’ll be honest
- My whole life I’ve created pressure to prove myself
- To be the smartest
- To be the strongest
- To be better than everyone else
- But what if that scale doesn’t matter to my Father?
- What if He’s not comparing me and I’ve done this on my own without His help
- What if my Father is just asking me is to love Him
- that’s all, nothing else?
- To love Him with my actions
- By serving the people around me
- To love Him with my obedience
- To just say yes with no question asking
- Perhaps He even wants me to love Him with my stubbornness
- To stand firmly on His words, to remain unshaken
- To just trust and rest
- I’ll be honest
- Most days to just trust for me is a struggle at best
- I get so caught up in the striving and the stress
- But I know my Father and He didn’t choose me on a whim
- Not even because of what I could “do” for Him
- Even though to believe it is sometimes is tough
- He always goes out of His way to tell me that who I am is good enough
- My Father made a choice to set me free
- From all of my self-inflicted pressure and anxiety
- For the simple fact that He loves me
- And I’ll be honest
- I’ll never understand the extravagant love of my Father
- Because for some reason
- even though I’m a horrible missionary
- He still calls me an incredible daughter
